my son

my son is developmentally delayed.

yesterday we sat with a group of experts at one of the local schools to determine what kind of program would best meet his needs. they began by telling us that he is a sweet child and oh, he is so sweet. he made his way around the small room where we gathered and cuddled with the preschool teacher, social worker, school psychologist, speech therapist and friend who came with us for support. but he still isn't talking at almost three years of age (his birthday is later this month) and he scored below average in every area of development in which he was tested.

to say that it was a difficult meeting doesn't aptly describe the two hours we spent discussing my dear boy. for the first time since we began the process of dealing with his developmental issues i broke down and cried. i simply want him to be happy and whole; to live life to it's fullest. he deserves it.

a plan was decided upon to enroll him in preschool five days a week for 3 1/2 hours a day. he'll learn how to hang up his jacket, participate in circle time, and communicate his needs either through signs, pictures, or words. he'll even take the big-boy bus to school and even start potty training come the fall.

i am incredibly thankful to the educators that met with us. they showed genuine concern and care for my child. sometimes teachers aren't given enough praise. those women consoled me and the preschool teacher even put her arms around me when i was feeling overwhelmed by it all.

it's painful to hear that you have a child with developmental problems. and it is easy to fall into the trap of trying to place blame upon yourself for what is wrong. is it something that i did or didn't do? guilt should be a four letter word.

but he is such a gift (both of my children are.) and my husband and i were blessed with both of them. how can i not be grateful for both of them; for my daughter who is my joy and my precious boy who is such peace to me?

and there is intelligence in his eyes... a knowing that i yearn to hear him speak out loud. i will keep listening and loving him, my beautiful, beautiful son.