*sigh*

as long as you don't mind me complaining about my life...

we still have no cell service even though i was startled awake at 2:00am when a sudden bar of connectivity produced several text and voicemail alerts to emminate from my phone which was right next to my head. it hasn't worked since.

i've been dreaming of all the things i get to do when the kids return to school on tuesday (also my 15th wedding anniversay). simple things like finishing a book, or enjoying time to myself, or getting into the silent prince's room to clean it up. we got the alert today that schools won't open until next tuesday because too many places in town are without power.

and speaking of my anniversary... i have been telling hubby that i wanted to see cowboys and aliens ever since i happened upon a preview on line. i've waited all summer in hopes that it would still be out and we could see it on our annivesrary. the last showing of it anywhere in our area is tonight in about an hour. so much for that idea.

as i've said before: if i'm wrong and it isn't resurection, but reincarnation then i must have been a real bitch in my past life.

God's peace and good karma y'all

come on irene

the sun is now shining outside my door and i feel almost guilty for having complained so much about my vacation being such a wreak when so many people were affected by irene.

we made it home on saturday after spending another night in a hotel in easton, pa. i battened down the hatches as hubby ran to the store to buy up whatever was left on the shelves. i spent pretty much all of yesterday sleeping and trying to recover from the trip. my body still aches from the stress, weather, and the battening down, but that's how it goes.

typically i try to look on the bright side of things; looking at the positives keeps me from completely falling apart. i was able to spend lots of quality time with znephew and my mom; swimming in the pool with the silent prince who became fearless in the deep end by the second day; my fabulous sil made me scones when there were no more pop tarts; i hung out in the hot tub with my brother; and ate really good food even if we never had a chance to go out for a meal. 

i'm still dissapointed by all of it. this was the first time i have left one of our vacations without looking forward to the next one. we were all just too busy getting out of the obx house to think about the things that were wonderful.

i didn't take very many pictures on vacation. i suppose i thought there would be more time to do picture taking, but i did take some:

the silent prince with his ipad

the princess kitty in the front seat

znephew standing on his own with gmom

God's peace y'all

spotsylvania

really, that's an actual place. i know this because i am currently at a country inns & suites in spotsylvania, va.

it's not exactly where i expected to be this evening. i thought that i would be at a nice vacation house in kitty hawk, nc on the outerbanks enjoying a night out with my brother and sister-in-law. maybe we would have agreed upon a movie at the only theatre on the banks; maybe we would be having too much fun eating good food and drinking way-too-expensive funky drinks; maybe after dinner we would have headed home and taken a swim in the pool or sat in the hot tub. i would have shown off whatever beautiful bag that hubby bought me at the coach outlet for our upcoming 15th wedding anniversay

maybe we would have eaten the left-over cake that the princess kitty and i worked on most of yesterday to celebrate z-nephew's 1st and 1/12th birthday.

but i'm in spotsylvania, va. the cake was never even cut into. it's possible that it was thrown in the trash. i asked both hubby and my dad to deal with it when i wasn't witness to it. i threw the dollor store birthday decorations in the trash this morning. i have no new coach bag; i have a keychain that i got at a surf shop on monday.

irene sent us packing after a mandatory evacuation for all visitors to the obx was put into effect at 8am this morning. at least we heard about it last night... just enough time for the princess kitty to turn into a puddle of uncontrollable tears- enough for both of us - just enough time to get yet another (this would be the 2nd time we changed her ticket) plane ticket for our terrific-texan sitter- just enough time to find a hotel room -really cheap - in spotsylvania, va.

the hotel is very nice, got great reviews on priceline, and is attached to a denny's so we could grab some food before check-in. it also has an indoor pool- so i would be able to take the kids swimming, which we should have been doing on a PERFECT beach day, but couldn't because we had a mandatory evacuation this morning.

denny's was actually yummy and check-in easy. we put all our junk on one of those carts and i was just putting the milk in the mini-fridge when the alarms sounded.

yes, gentle readers, alarms.

being the mom that i am- i was certain that the silent prince had set them off somehow. as i told the women behind the front desk, it wouldn't have been the first time. but it was most likely the boom of thunder or one of the bolts of lightening now going off that had set off the alarms.

the firetruck coming to see what all the ruckus was about

it's been storming ever since. seriously.

at least the pool is open until 10 so there is still a shot that i can take the princess kitty swimming before bed.

God's peace y'all

this is my life - deal with it!

life is difficult. it's one of those lessons we learn as children and grow older. usually it begins with the lesson: life isn't fair, but as we mature the lesson also matures. i've come to bemoan the fact that nothing is ever easy, even the stuff in my life which should be easy is usually complicated and difficult. there are all sorts of reasons for this. I could list them all, but that isn't the point of this post.

the point is that i do own big girl panties and i wear them on a regular basis. i might compain or procrastinate, but i put them on and deal with what needs dealing with every day. when things don't get done - well there are only so many hours in the day and only so many of them when i am capable of doing everything that needs doing.

the point is that my dear hubby also owns big boy undies and he wears his everyday too. sure there are lots of times when he puts pj pants on top of them, but he works a full-time job, and still gets the kids on the bus every morning and makes dinner for us every night. he deserves a break and rarely ever gets the kind he deserves.

the point is that my 12 year old princess kitty has her own big girl panties and despite the fact that they are several sizes too big for her she wears them regularly and keeps them up. she fights to be an actual kid, but you can tell by looking into her eyes that she's tired of grown-up responsibilities and worries.

the point is that my 9 year old silent prince is still in diapers. he doesn't wear big boy undies and who knows if he ever will. do i wish this fact was different? do you think it's been easy changing diapers for the last 12 years? do you really think that i'm looking forward to trying to clean his poop when he's 11? 15? 21?

so the real point is don't make it harder on me - or on us. if you want to help- OMG thank you, but don't think that you are being helpful by telling us what to do or by judging what we are already doing. we are already doing more than we can handle and all of us are more than willing to explain why we

have a lock on his door - so he won't play in traffic in the middle of the night or empty the contents of the refridgerator onto the kitchen floor when we have to go to the bathroom -

don't put any furniture in his room - because he literally destroys it and sometimes hurts himself in the process -

have special wall board on his walls - because he's a smearer and poop is hard to clean off of drywall -

don't come visit - because your home isn't silent prince-proofed and we will feel horrible when he destroys, unintentially, all the nice things you have -

have a messy home - because we could spend 24 hours a day cleaning up and it would still get trashed when he plays

don't just send him away to a residential home - because even though it might make life easier on a day to day basis we need his smile, and kisses, and laughter to be a complete family.

and we are doing the very best that we can. we would love the help, but the system is set up so that it's near-impossible to get it and i don't have that extra 10 hours a day to wait on hold with one government agency only to be told that they don't do that so i will have to call the government agency that i was on hold with 10hours the day before who told me that they didn't handle those kinds of cases and i would need to call the government agency i was on the phone with now. (what, you didn't understand that sentence? welcome to social services!)

sigh

God's peace y'all

still searching

avalon, it seems is not so easy to find. it is elusive and the pathway there is rocky and filled with battles of all kinds. i chose avalon because it is perhaps my favorite mystical literary places. the only other one that comes close is narnia. but there is a difference between arriving in avalon and arriving in narnia.

being transported to narnia just happened. the sons of adam and the daughters of eve simply passed through a doorway and poof, there they were. it only happened when they were doing the ordinary and not expecting it and it only happened when they were needed. narnia was a world of wonder, magic, and beauty it was also a world in need and they were called when a great evil arose that needed to be conquered.

avalon always seemed, to me, to be a reverse of that. one reached avalon after the battle, after the trial, after the heartache. it wasn't heaven, but a resting place to be rejuvenated and healed so that one could return to the other side of the lake with the knowledge, strength, and proper weapons needed to continue the fight.

sometimes i think i make it there, but it always seems like too brief of a moment. i reach it's shores only to be called back to the real world. i get the quick fix, the band aid on the wound before returning to the front line. or i get there only to be handed the magical weapon, but then i'm sent back without the proper training on how to use it.

it all seems so bleak, doesn't it? and yet i keep searching.

tomorrow i'm supplying at one of my favorite congregations. they are always so happy to have me there and i feel comfortable being there. i enjoy them and they always seem to enjoy me. the gospel reading is matthew 14:22-33 . the quick version of the story is that the disciples are on a boat, in a storm. suddenly they see jesus walking on the water and peter tells jesus to comand him to walk on the water to where jesus is. peter starts walking, but before he can reach jesus the waves and the storm scare him and he starts to sink. he calls out for jesus to save him and immediately jesus reaches out his hand to him.

i believe i can walk on water, not literally of course, but i believe i can fight the necessary battles. i can be strong and courageous; slay the dragons; and rescue the damsal in distress, but there are times ~ so many times ~ that i am suddenly too aware of the storm raging around me and i start to sink.

fear and doubt should never be the end of anyone's story. when morgan le fay takes king arthur's mortally wounded body to die and be buried in avalon his tombstone reads "here lies arthur the once and future king" and his story lives on and on in constant hope.

hope is the conqueror of fear and doubt. hope begets faith and faith begets hope. when faith falters, hope reaches out it's hand and when hope seems lost... faith pulls it back into existence.

i have faith in God and in restoration and i continue to hope that in my quest to find avalon i will experience sacred moments and witness wonders.

may you all have those same moments in your quests-

peace y'all

christine