happy passover

Exodus 12
21 Then Moses called all the elders of Israel and said to them, "Go, select lambs for your families, and slaughter the passover lamb. 22 Take a bunch of hyssop, dip it in the blood that is in the basin, and touch the lintel and the two doorposts with the blood in the basin. None of you shall go outside the door of your house until morning. 23 For the Lord will pass through to strike down the Egyptians; when he sees the blood on the lintel and on the two doorposts, the Lord will pass over that door and will not allow the destroyer to enter your houses to strike you down. 24 You shall observe this rite as a perpetual ordinance for you and your children. 25 When you come to the land that the Lord will give you, as he has promised, you shall keep this observance. 26 And when your children ask you, "What do you mean by this observance?' 27 you shall say, "It is the passover sacrifice to the Lord, for he passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt, when he struck down the Egyptians but spared our houses.' " And the people bowed down and worshiped. 28 The Israelites went and did just as the Lord had commanded Moses and Aaron.

b'shalom y'all

what is lent?

in a comment on holy week meltdown, crackerlilo asked me to explain lent and why in the heck it was meltdown inducing time.

her exact comment was:

"I've never heard anyone say that about Lent before. When you have time, could you speak a little deeper about it? I'm a Pentecostal-turned-Pagan--never did Lent.

What did you give up? (If I missed it, sorry.)"

ok... some short answers:

lent is the time before easter. it consists of 40 days (not including sundays, which are always considered "little easters.")

it begins on ash wednesday, when we remember our mortality and our need for God.

the last week of lent is called holy week, which begins on palm sunday. palm sunday is when we remember jesus' entrance into jerusalem where people, believing he was going to become their new king, threw palm branches on the ground as he rode in on a donkey.

next follows the triduum or the three days. they are: maundy thursday (when jesus had his last supper and washed the disciples' feet), good friday (when jesus is crucified and dies), and the easter vigil(when the miraculous happens and jesus rises from the dead).

and then there is easter (when we celebrate the resurrection).

lent is an incredibly holy time leading up to the most holy act: the death and resurrection of jesus.

so why is it also the most stressful for clergy?

well, for one, there is an increase in the workload. i add an extra service during the week usually with some sort of supper beforehand. this year was entitled: bread, broth and bible. we gathered, had soup, and then had devotions based upon the story of the good samaritan every wednesday for 5 weeks.

holy week includes lots of extra worship and all of the services are different from other sunday services. i have 2 extra sermons to write this week. and sermon writing is not an easy task, especially when preaching seems most important.

this is the time i most want people to "get." if there is only one story i want people to understand about jesus it's the story this time tells.

and it's not just that i want other christians to get it. i want people to get it because it's what my faith is all about; the idea that God loves us enough to have done this thing... and if God loves us that much, that he would die for us then it means that people are of value... great value. and it doesn't matter what kind of people we are... we are loved.

i want to get the story right and i want people to hear it.

so, there you have it, crackerlilo. i hope that answered your question.

oh, and i did give up something for lent, but i'm keeping it secret.

God's peace y'all

as a side note: the beautiful artwork of the resurrection is by an artist named He Qi. you can see more of his work here.

a day with the pobble

friday, i spent the day with the pobble doing post-divorce (her's not mine) errands. i've come to the conclusion that a day doing crappy, but necessary errands with the pobble is still better than a day doing almost anything else.

this is a gift... having the kind of friend who is as comfortable (sometimes more so than) your own skin. and though i've said it before i have no problem repeating it.

i can't put up facades with the pobble. she sees right through them and the same can be said about me seeing right through her. the good thing is, it doesn't seem to matter if one of us is having a bad time... i can handle being with her when she's down and when i'm down (the kind of down when i don't want anybody around) she can stand right beside me and it's good.

saturday has been a day of birthday parties for the princess kitty to attend.

The first was held at a beauty school where each girl was given an up-do with curls and a manicure with their choice of color (the kitty picked red.) this is a picture of the back of her, in line, waiting her turn at the nail table.

the next party was held at the church and featured an animal show which included a millipede, chinchilla, and snakes.

she had 4 pieces of pizza, but we had to leave before cake in order to go to grandmom and grandpop's for dinner with the fantastic uncle s, who was visiting from boston. (an editor's note: in the last post i said he had his knees replaced. not so... he had knee surgery, but not replacement. if you are reading this; IT'S TIME!)

mom (also know of as gram-gram, by the princess kitty) made incredibly good chili for dinner and the fantastic uncle s had slaved all morning to make brownies (though i have a hunch they were from a box.) they were yummy.

then back home. the silent prince was lulled to sleep by a mozart cd i had purchased at walgreen's for $2.99 and the princess kitty, after such an exciting day was asleep before the previews were done playing on her disney's robin hood video.

a long, but good day. two long but good days in fact. i might actually be on a roll...

God's peace y'all

holy week meltdown

and it's not even holy week yet.

i love lent, but it exhausts me. there is nothing like it during the church year.

i fall in love with my faith every year sometime between stripping the altar on maundy thursday and shouting alleluia on easter sunday morning. this is the time of year that reminds me why i am a christian.

but i feel so overworked (with so much still to go) that it's hard to really enjoy the stuff that means the most to me.

it's time for a mental health day and then a trip to the pobble's tomorrow. i'll clean up the apartment, do the massive piles of laundry, and play with the silent prince... refocus

God's peace y'all

and then there is the rest of the family

thanks everyone for the comments about my mom. i am a lucky kid to have such great parents.

but mom isn't the only part of my family worth bragging on.

dad is too. his favorite movie is naked gun. brother and i were watching it one day on video and dad walked in the tv room and asked, "what is this?" within minutes he was crying from laughing so hard. to this day if you just mention the movie he starts laughing as if there was no tomorrow.

and dad is perhaps the most gentle person i know and perhaps the strongest. i've never known him to back down when he feels strongly about something. he's been arrested for protesting for workers' rights (i've never been more proud). he was there when the princess kitty was born, helping to squeeze her out... and no, it wasn't weird to have him in the delivery room... it was exactly where i needed him.

dad has been there for me at my lowest and never been judgemental. he guessed when i got my first tat and was relieved when i told him it was a blue cresent moon and not a boy's name.

and then there is my baby brother. i would call him my little brother, but that he is not any more. when my wonderful parents are driving me crazy there is no one else who gets it the way he does. and vice-versa.

when i was living on my own and dirt poor he used to sneak food out of mom and dad's house then come for a visit. later, we both wound up at college together. his friends used to refer to us as luke and leia, which despite the incestuous meaning never bothered us. and yes, he knows every line of the movie.

he married a wonderful woman and i was one of his "guys" at the wedding. she's smarter than he is and he likes it that way. we don't worry about one another. it's the deal we made.

and my uncle... dad was the one who conducted hubby's and my wedding and so mom and uncle s walked me down the aisle. he might be the most generous person i know. when i was born he had his knees replaced... 36 years ago and i think he's ready for another set. every year he treats us to a family vacation in the obx. it might be the best week of the year for all of us. each year he asks us if we want to go again as if there is any question.

when i graduated from seminary he gave me a framed picture of a boat out on the water. looking at it gives me an uneasy sense of calm. my uncle, on the other hand, gives me an easy sense of calm.

then there is the family that i am not blood-related to. there is my mother-in-law, who reads my blog all the time and who i would say nothing but wonderful things about even if she didn't. she is my other mom and she taught me how to cook a turkey. i've heard her curse once and that was when she was quoting someone.

and hubby's sister and 2 brothers... and their families: when you get us all together... stand back: all we do is drink wine, eat, and make stupid jokes about bodily functions.

and then there is the pobble, who said the most wonderful things about me on my birthday in her blog. she is my sister and my dearest friend. no one can be as honest with me as she can. we've shared underwear. she holds my deepest, darkest secrets safe. and i got her's too.

one of the best gifts i got for my birtday was an impromptu lunch date at mcdonald's the day before my birthday before i had a meeting in her new home town. and i even paid.

and then there are the kids... but i talk about them enough already.

ahh.. my family.

God's peace, y'all.

yes, she is

my mom called not long ago just to say thank you. she had just finished reading the last post about my b-day.

about 12-13 years ago i went through a battery of pyschiatric tests for candidacy to become a pastor. the quack who did the testing believed that i should try to be more like my dad instead of my mom.

now my dad is a wonderful, unbelievable man (that's why mom married him), but i am my mother. shortly after being told that my mother wasn't worth emulating, i decided that if i could be half the woman my mother is i was going to be ok. i also decided that i would claim, with open arms, those parts of me that were just like her and not apologize for it.

and i've loaned mom out many times. she can give a hug like nobody else and she hugs indiscriminately as if it's necessary to live.

she used to stand on her head at parties when i was a kid and now gets down on the floor to play with her grandchildren. she makes the best macaroni and cheese in the world and would feed the world if they showed up at her door.

she doesn't care if you are gay, straight, black, white, or purple... she'll still dance at your wedding.

she is opinionated, and almost always right (which has often driven my brother and me crazy.) she used to call us pumkins and little indians. and she rocks!

36

today is my 36th birthday and it has been wonderful.

36 seems like such a grown-up age. i was 10 when my mom was 36 and for some reason 36 just sounds like the age a mom should be.











speaking of moms...

hubby woke me up on the way out to take the kiddies to school (i do all the prep work the night before and he lets me sleep-in.) i got out of bed, very lazily, got my morning tea (he had put the water in the microwave for me), did a quick check of my email, found out the secretary at work had left me a little present (homemade fudge) on my office chair, and found some clothes to wear after getting out of the shower.

took a nice hot shower, got dressed and said good-bye to hubby (who had just returned from dropping off the princess kitty and was on his way to work) and headed to my parent's house.

mom took me to a sweet little cafe for lunch... monte cristo and with perfectly grilled bread, a carmel flavored huge mug of coffee, and for desert... a carmel, chocolate pie of some sort that was so good i couldn't even finish it. oh, and fantastic macaroni salad recommended by the waitress who had added a birthday candle to the carmel chocolate desert.

now my mom is an amazing woman and i told her so as we were leaving the resturant.

you see, mom treats people differently than most people treat other people. as we sat at the table enjoying desert she mentioned that the waiter, at the counter, was named chris and was converting to judaism because he was getting married to a nice jewish girl. she had met him once before.

as we were leaving the resturant she stoped to chat with all the people who worked there. she was gushing with compliments and actual conversation... not the typical conversation one shares with people who are serving you.

"mom, you are an amazing woman."

look of confusion from mom "why's that?"

"do you think any other customer spoke to the people who worked here the way you just did?"

"life's too short and too important." was her excuse.

we ran some fun errands. mom and dad are redoing their kitchen and she wanted my opinion on which floor she should pick. really, she knew, she just wanted to be affirmed that it was worth the extra money to pick her favorite over her second choice. and she took me to buy bird food (mom and dad have a resturant for goldfinch and woodpeckers in their backyard) at a really cute store where i found funky earrings with buffalo carved out of this orange colored stone. buffalo are a power totem and mom added them to her bill. happy birthday to me.

yesterday she had done me a solid by watching the silent prince while hubby was home sick and i had two meetings out of town. so she took him to see gloria for a haircut. his first in-the-salon haircut and he looks too cute!

so we were driving around and talking about how cute he looked and how good he was for gloria and i decided i too needed a haircut so mom dropped me off at glorious hair to get a trim while she went to get groceries.

me to gloria while sitting down on the chair: "mom took me to lunch for my birthday and i was saying..."

gloria: "it's your birthday?" no pause for an answer "this is on me."

me: "oh gloria, you don't have to do that!"

gloria: "your mom's been too good to me. happy birthday."

later to my mom: "she wouldn't let me pay, she said you've been too good to her."

mom: "i've been good to her?"

and my hair looks great!

back home, after picking up the princess kitty and my fudge, hubby and the kids gave me a watch and beautiful flowers then we went to frankies gourmet fast food resturant(a step up from mcdonalds and really good, quick food) for dinner. then hubby went to pick up movies while i took the princess kitty to ballet.

afterwards i went to pick up another birthday present: 2 pints of adult ice cream one flavored with real bailey's irish cream and the other a chocolate raspberry... drool, drool, drool, from a friend.

and now i am home, waiting for the kids to both be asleep so that hubby and i can watch our movies and have some 36 year old adult, birthday time.

yup, it's been a good day.

happy birthday to me!

God's peace y'all!

only 2 more shopping days left

until my 36th birthday!!!

and on a semi-related note... i'm sure mom looked just like this when she gave birth to me.

we should all have a bear's head to hold on to in the delivery room... i'm sure it's WAY better than the epidural.

pushing rope

one of my favorite phrases for that feeling like you just can't get anything accomplished is "pushing rope." it comes from my internship suprvisor's husband.

some of my other favorite phrases for those times when things feel futile:

goat roping
cat herding

goat roping comes from hubby. typically the statement follows an episode of particular frustration and goes somethin' like this: "what a goat rodeo!"

i'm not sure about cat herding, except that i've owned cats and they are impossible to corral.

God's peace y'all

friday five

from the revgalblogpals

In the spirit of Refreshment Sunday:

Yesterday, as I drove past Planet Fitness on my way to Planet Dog, and remembering there is also a Planet Hollywood, I wondered, "If there were a Planet Songbird, what would it look like?" I began to envision a store selling all my favorite things, probably in the kind of house I lived in as a child, one of those late 19th-century houses with a long hallway on the side and double parlors on the other, with windows to the floor facing the front porch. Visit my place for a longer-winded version of this meme.

Name five things that would be on the shelves of Planet (Your Name).

planet cats:

hmmm... the funny thing is that i had actually begun something like this in the bathroom off the kitchen of the parsonage. i have a treasure chest of odd things that really don't fit in with anything else. so i began to hang them in the bathroom.

1. an antique washboard
2. a picture of jesus praying (you've probably all seen the one or one remarkably like it with a blonde haired, blue eyed, haloed head) in an antique, but horribly gaudy gold frame. (this went right above the commode)
3. a circular tray with a map of pennsylvania
4. a 6" ceramic ash tray from mcdonalds, back when you could still smoke in fast food restaurants, before the little black, plastic, ashtrays were introduced. we found it while cleaning out hubby's aunt's home.
5. the only piece of artwork that was in the parsonage when we moved in... an old photograph of the parsonage from way back when. i was told that i could put it where ever i wanted but that it had to stay in the house.

more importantly i made a decision that once back in the house i plan on making myself a little altar where i can do regular meditation. (yes, we all like to meditate in the potty, but i'm thinking a little more seriously)

it will probably wind up on the second floor back porch, which is "my" room of the house.

on it would be the following:
1. my bible
2. a beautiful crocheted doily that one of the women from church made and then gave me before we moved into the apartment. (it was one of the last things she made before her hands became too bad to crochet anymore.)
3. a candle (i'll have to think about which one, but perhaps i'll have more than one and at least one of them will go in a purple, glass, candlestick that my parents brought home from israel.)
4. a worry stone with an angel engraved in it. (i'm not really into angels like some people are, but this was also given to me by a member of the congregation to remind me that she was holding me in prayer and support.)
5. my prayer scarf... another item made by a member of the congregation. it's soft, warm, and a beautiful muted blue color.

God's peace y'all

abatement

welcome to the parsonage. if you squint, you can even see the old dishwasher on the front porch.



here's the kitchen



and here's where the new dishwasher will go



and this is the hole in my backyard where wonderful things will grow



i didn't think you'd want to see the garage which is now resided and waiting for new doors.

God's peace y'all

writer's block

it happens...

i once told a friend of mine that when you go through writer's block you should just sit down and write... write anything... good or bad... just get back into the habit.

and her first novel is about to be published and her first non-fiction is in the final stages of editing for the shelves.

pobble, i am so proud of you!!! (and not just 'cause you took my advice.)

now, to listen to my own advice...

head shoulders knees and toes

ha ha ha ha ha.

if i needed a good laugh, then maybe you do too.

NONONONO!!!!

i was in the car today with hubby (who was driving) and the mist in the mountains was so beautiful that i took the digital camera out of my purse to see if i could take some pictures and in the process i somehow deleted all the pictures that were stored on it...

including all the pictures from the princess kitty's recital.

i am too stupid to live!!!!

well poop, maybe next time.

sunday's thought

if we weren't doing something right the devil would be leaving us alone.

have we lost our minds?

well, it might be obvious that i have, but what follows seems to be a mass loss of complete sense:









apparently penguins are gay and unfit to raise children.

here's the book, order your copy today.

personally, i think we should make this a best-seller... not that i've read it, but readers have given it 5 stars and it's won awards (but then maybe that's all part of the gay-penguin-agenda too.)







churches on fire... that's a good one.

apparently, setting churches on fire is a big joke and we should just laugh along... especially when the ones telling the joke are such good kids. read abb's take on this one. (warning: she uses pretty colorful language)

one of my favorites (because i have always know harley riders are the best kind of people)

and as hubby and i are working to pay off our debt... here's a scary story.

and as a public service a piece of advice: NEVER, EVER use a debt managment company. don't ask why, just trust me.





and now i have to make certain that we are all ready for the princess kitty's ballet/hip-hop recital tonight and get the silent prince off the little yellow school bus... ahh sanity... how i miss you.

a crisis of faith or more on my breakdown

yeah, i've been going through a crisis of faith. it happens sometimes even to the most faithful of us where we start to doubt or get really, really mad at God. and the other night i had reached the climax of everything i've been feeling.

someone told me that i've been handling this situation with grace and faith. maybe, but all i know is the other night i was done with grace and faith and trust in God. it was over. i told hubby, "i don't even want to believe in God anymore."

having a crisis of faith is not always a bad thing. sometimes it is an important part of growing in faith. if you always believe blindly, never question, or struggle with belief it can begin to lack substance.

there is a german word that martin luther used called anfectung. as far as i can tell it doesn't have a true english translation; the closest you can come is: struggle.

i have been suffering from anfectung; this struggle of belieing that God really does care about what is happening to me and that in the end it will be ok. but it's more than that too. it's about the struggle between living the trust i have in God and wanting to say to hell with you, i don't want to do this anymore and you can't make me.

it's a rock hard place to be.

so today i decided to go through the motionss and went to a stewardship meeting with 2 very dedicated members of the congregation, made two communion visits, and then had soup and lenten devotions with 8 people. the princess kitty was my communion assistant and lead grace at dinner; she'll be 7 in may.

and i put a new cd in my car: the five blind boys of alabama and listened to them sing "too many troubles... gotta take 'em all to the Lord." sometimes when i have trouble praying i've found music the place to go. i've never been one to listen to praise music or christian rock (i much prefer actual rock), but gospel... there is nothing like it when you are feeling despair deep down into your bones. it was like my own personal chelation (the treatment the silent prince is getting to remove the lead from his system, including his bones.)

and then i went to my friends at the dps only to discover that there were over 25 posts offering me prayers.

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words." romans 8:26.

i still feel weak, but i can hear the Spirit sighing loud and clear.

and i'm beginning to think that it's ok if i'm suffering from anfectung. it sucks, but it's ok.

and while my crisis is far from over, i'm beginning to think it will eventually be over.

God's peace y'all and some for me too.

the definition of irony

yesterday was a particularly low day for me and last night I let it out: crying, screaming, yelling at God. hubby held me and let me get it out then promised it would be ok. when i finally was able to settle down, before letting me go to sleep he told me to come with him: “none of that stuff matters,” he told me. “let me show you what matters.” he took my hand, led me through the short hallway to the kids’ room and opened the door.

“this is what matters.” he turned the hall light on so I could see my sleeping children. i peaked at the silent sleeping prince and then went to pull the covers back over the princess kitty only to discover that she had thrown up all over the bed.

yes, vomit is what really matters.

it was so ironic that all i could do was laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

in the wilderness

today's sermon can be found here.

the adult forum's confirmation for grown-ups began today. wanna take a look at what we're doing? check it out here.

God's peace y'all.

running the race

i grew up with for better or worse cartoons. mike the oldest child is about my age. and now elizabeth, the second child is growing up and falling in love.

this cartoon, from a few days ago, really struck me. and it's worth sharing.

the revgalblogpals friday four was this:

Tell us four things you have made a practice at some time or other in your life. Feel free to interpret the word "practice" as widely and deeply as you like. Did you stick with it? Was it too much? Did it change you?

of all the things that i've "practiced" in my life the idea of prejudice and ridding it from my life is constant. am i an accepting person? (let me toot my own horn here) yes, i am. do i judge others based upon color, religion, sexuality, etc... (toot, toot) hardly. and yet, i have found that not being prejudice is something that takes practice.

a very wise man once told me that racism requires three things: power, prejudice, and priveledge. just by virture of the color of my skin (which happens to be white) society has given me two out of the three: power and priveledge. i didn't ask for it or even do much to deserve it, but as a white woman i have power and priveledge by default.

and that makes it pretty easy to cross that line from accepting to racist.

that means that i have to practice acceptance and recognize those times that stereotypes or fear sneak into my judgement of others. it takes work to love unconditionally, to accept others at face value, to not let society paint a picture of one particular group of people.

so that's it...one of four things that i practice. the other three don't seem nearly as important.

God's peace y'all