FIVE!!!

tomorrow (thursday) my silent prince turns five! today was the 5 yr anniversary of my paternal grandmother's death.

we knew she was going to die soon, but i had gotten the call in the morning that they had stopped giving her the treatments that were keeping her alive and that she would probably not last the day. i made the decision to take the day off from work and take it easy. at about 2:30 my mom called to say that she had died at 12:15pm. her last wishes were that no matter what else was happening my mom would come to be with me the moment my water broke (she knew what the silent's prince's name was and somehow that my water would break)

i called hubby and he told me he would come home then i went to take a shower and cry. i remember standing there under the water and telling God that there was only one thing that would make me feel better.

hubby came home and held me and the 2 of us fell asleep for an afternoon nap.

he went to pick up the princess kitty from day care and i sat down at the computer to write something about my grandmother. i expected that i wouldn't make it to a funeral in my condition and i at least wanted something that i could give to my dad.

my mom called, "i've been thinking," she said. "why don't you write something that could be read at the funeral? maybe sister-in-law could read it for you?" (not sure what made her think of my brother's wife... but it was the right call).

"i have about 2 paragraphs left to write, mom. i'm going to take a break and finish tomorrow."

we had dinner and then i decided to sit back down at the computer and finish my memorial. i emailed it to my dad and sis-in-law. i think i even called her and asked her if she would indeed read it at the service which of course she said she would.

my grandmother was a quilter and i inherited almost all her sewing stuff. i still had the pillow she helped me cross-stich and sew when i was about 8 years old and so i wrote about God's love being like a quilt.

that night i climbed into bed late... about midnight. it was taking me forever to fall asleep and at about 12:15 i rolled over in bed, thinking maybe i needed to go to the bathroom, and my water broke. 12 hours exactly from the time that she died.

we called the dr first and then my mom who was out of the bed and in the car within 30 minutes to begin the 3 1/2 to 4 hour drive to be at the hospital moments after i had told the nurse, "i want my mommy."

i hardly remember them putting him on my belly. (it had been an awful delivery) what i remember is after they cleaned him up my mother carried him into the room and pulled the little cap from his head to show me the red fuzz that was just like my grandmother's hair. "they passed on the way" my mother said as she handed him to me.

my dad called earlier today to see how i was... we spent some time remembering those moments five years ago... "emotional days." we said.

sis-in-law did a wonderful job reading my memorial; even held the pillow that i had made with my grandmother those many years ago as a child. at the service they sang a hymn that i had never heard before but is now one of my favorites; when the prince was baptized we sang it then... another connection.

the second verse always chokes me up:

Thine the life eternally
Thine the promise let there be
Thine the vision thine the tree
all the earth on bended knee
gone the nailing gone the railing
gone the pleading gone the cry
gone the sighing gone the dying
what was loss lifted high.

happy birthday my sweet prince

and God's peace y'all